10 Things We Learned in 2 Years of Marriage
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Wyatt and I celebrated our 2nd Wedding Anniversary on July 27th and it of course got my wheels spinning about how much we have both grown and changed not just as individuals, but as a couple in those two years.
Wow, it’s crazy how two years can feel like just yesterday, but also like we have been married forever!
A lot of these things we have learned started forming back when we were dating, but anyone that is married will agree with me on this- marriage is a game changer. A game changer in all the best and most challenging ways! You think you know it all when you are dating, and then the I Dos happen!LOL
Dating is great, BUT, in my opinion there is nothing quite as great as being married. 10/10 recommend!
Wyatt and I have been working on this blog post together for a bit, and I am so excited to share. It’s not every day that I get to share what I love to do (write) with my favorite person!
So, here is our list we came up with together: 10 things we learned in 2 years of marriage
Speak Each Other’s Love Language
Have you heard of love languages before? Everyone has a love language, i.e. a way that they prefer to receive love, and also the primary way they give love too. The five love languages are words of affirmation, quality time, acts of service, physical touch, and receiving gifts.
Identifying what yours and your partner’s love language is, allows you to love them better. And because your love language is also the way you primarily give love too, it’s a good reminder that your partner’s needs can be different from your own.
My primary love language is words of affirmation and Wyatt’s is physical touch. Couldn’t be more opposite right? While him being extremely affectionate and loving is his way of expressing love in my direction, sometimes I would prefer those words of affirmation. Make sense?
Love languages are so important, because in those times when you can feel a little disconnected from your partner, and you will from time to time that is normal and natural, this is a great way to reconnect and get back on track and make sure your partner feels loved.
So #1: Speak your partner’s love language.
Grace and Space
Give each other grace and space.
As amazing as being married is, everyone needs their own alone time and friend time too. Wyatt and I love doing things together, but we are also both very good about speaking when we need our space. It gives us a healthy balance.
Giving each other the ability to be honest about when you want and need your space can save many frustrations. Sometimes a little space can give you a clear mind if something has been bothering you or building up. I’m definitely someone that needs alone time here and there to just reset, relax, and fill my cup!
Grace is incredibly important in marriage as well. No one is perfect and you and your partner are probably both new to the whole being married thing. 😉 So you’re in the trenches together trying to figure it all out. Grace is 100% necessary.
Give your partner the same amount of grace that you would want in return. Each of you will mess up from time to time, but if you can remember to give each other grace in those times then you’ll power through even stronger. Some people refer to this as choosing your battles or even just plain ole forgiveness. Whatever you call it, you need it.
#2: Grace and space: key ingredients to a healthy marriage!
Communicate
Sounds cliche doesn’t it? Not cliche, just very simple and easy to explain. Have the tough conversations so you don’t have to have the tough fights. Talk to each other- know what’s going on in the other’s life. Don’t let things fester and build up. Communicate about it all- the big stuff and little stuff, the good and the bad.
I remember my first breakdown of marriage was because I was trying to hold in feelings and not share them with Wyatt to avoid hurting him. He knew something was wrong, but I was just sure I could continue on without telling him what was going on. I should have been up front and honest from the start that something was bothering me, rather than let it sit and build up bigger and bigger to the point that it was affecting how I acted towards him and led to a total breakdown.
This was my first lesson in marital communication. And a prime example of how marriage is a total game changer. When you’re dating, I feel like there are less battles that you have to pick and choose, and in marriage you will have to do the same, but the battles become bigger when you get married and become one.
#3: Choose your battles when you can, but also create a marriage in which you both can communicate freely about it all.
Keep It Fresh
Now now now, get your mind out of the gutter! Keep it fresh, as in don’t let yourselves get in ruts with your marriage. Being married is so great because you’re just doing life together and living together, but it can be easy to get into ruts of just sitting around, not communicating enough,forming bad habits, not laughing together enough, or having enough fun.
And if you stay in those ruts they will get deeper and deeper and much harder to get out of.
So keep it fresh! Plan the date nights. Run errands together. Turn off the TV and go sit outside. Workout together. Cook together. Dance Together. Pray together. Laugh like little kids. Whatever it is that you have fun doing together- go do it!
A lot of people call this dating your spouse and I can promise you it is necessary! They say it gets even tougher when you have kids, and while we haven’t experienced that blessing yet, I know that learning this lesson early on will help us continue to ‘keep it fresh’ in the future too!
#4: Keep it fresh
Don’t Forget Yourself in the Process of Becoming One
Marriage is so beautiful because it is the public and sacred declaration of unity. And while you literally become one and start sharing in your lives together, don’t forget who you are as an individual too.
The things you like to do, the hobbies, the things that fill your cup, your girls nights and guys nights, all of it- just because you have a husband or a wife doesn’t mean that you need to forget about all those things. This is where the space part of things comes in that I mentioned already.
Make sure you and your partner don’t lose sight of who you are as individuals. I feel like it will save some headache and heartache down the road later in your marriage. You hear people say all the time that they “lost themselves” in a relationship. Don’t let your marriage be that way- it’s okay to have your own separate things and still be you!
#5: Don’t lose yourself
Enjoy the Now and All The Answered Prayers
Does this one even need an explanation? You will have days in your marriage that are harder than others, and you will have days where you and your spouse will talk so much about future dreams and plans. When both of these days come up, don’t lose sight of the blessings and beauty of the present and all of the answered prayers that have already come.
Chances are your hubby or wifey are an answered prayer, even on the days they test your patience. Try not to forget the power of your love story and that God brought you two together.
I think not just in marriage, but in all relationships it can be easy to get caught up in the comparison game especially because social media is a highlight reel. Every marriage has its ups and downs, so don’t get caught up in that way of thinking.
#6: Embrace the now and soak in all the lovely answered prayers that your marriage is.
Show Me the Money Hunny
Just kidding! This piece of marriage that we are continually learning and growing in has been a roller coaster for us if I’m being completely honest. Money talks are hard, especially if you were very independent prior to marriage.
Everyone’s financial situation is different and I’m not here to dive into the nitty-gritty of that. I just want to note a few things we have learned.
First, joining your accounts is hard at first, but it should be better for your marriage in the long run, and is also more biblically sound from what we have learned (i.e. joining together in marriage means that you share everything, so keeping separate accounts can be a cause of division, selfishness, and greed).
I’ll be honest, we put it off until about a year and a half after we got married. It was easier to not join our accounts and just share the bills. But when we started Financial Peace University by Dave Ramsey our eyes were opened to how we really were being somewhat selfish in our finances, and it was also a gray area in our communication with each other. Since we have joined our accounts it has opened up a whole line of communication for us, and there is less tension and more grace in this area of our lives together. I wish we had joined our accounts sooner.
Second, have the money talks. Just do it. It might be an ugly awkward conversation at first, but do it. I remember back when Wyatt and I were just dating and the money conversations were so foreign and strange because we were so independent, but we learned from that so when we started house hunting during our engagement we knew each other’s finances enough to have that trust in each other too.
You will make big financial decisions with your partner throughout your lives together. If there’s not an open line of communication about money, that can get a little messy and can lead to so many other stressors in your marriage.
#7: Have the money talks and join your accounts.
Hold Each Other Accountable
Now I don’t mean nagging each other, which is occasionally necessary in both directions, I mean hold your spouse accountable to be the best version of themselves and live to their highest potential. Push each other to be better.
When your partner says they want to achieve this goal or get this done, or go do that- don’t always be their scapegoat and excuse. Support your partner in them trying to better themselves or chase their dreams. Be by your partner’s side and cheer them on for all that they want to do even if you don’t always understand it.
I am continually grateful for a partner in life that is willing to support every crazy idea I ever have and he pushes me to be better- And I pray I do the same for him. I think it’s so important in marriage to always want the best for each other, even if it means a little more work or time on your own end.
You will never regret supporting your partner or holding them accountable for the things they want in this life and the things they feel led to do.
#8: Hold each other accountable for the things they want out of life
Always Equal 100% Together
A marriage is definitely a 50/50 partnership. However, there will be days and times when your spouse can’t pull their full 50 and you will have to be 75% or maybe even 90%. Sometimes you have to carry the team on your back, and that is okay.
Wyatt is a big sports guy and when we started dating and knew it was endgame, he called us teammates for life. And so often that has come up in our relationship. When you’re married you are the best kind of team. And just like in sports if a player is injured or just not playing their best, the teammates have to make up for that in order to get the W. Marriage is the same.
Whether it’s exhaustion, anxiety, illness, schedules, stress, grief, a bad day at work, an emotional time, or just an overall bad day- whatever it may be, always be willing to make up the rest of that 100% to keep your team strong.
When your partner can’t, make up the rest of that 100% for them. It’s one of the keys we have found to a successful marriage. We all go through things sometimes, but loving your partner enough to pick up the slack and keep going is so pure and so necessary.
#9: Always equal 100% together
Grow in Faith and Closer to God, Together
Saved the best for last. The best because it is the best part of marriage, but also because it’s my favorite part of Wyatt and I’s journey.
We heard it so many times leading up to our wedding that the most important thing to do in marriage is to keep God at the forefront. Both of us being strong in our faith would nod like we understood what that meant in its entirety.
But until you are “in the trenches” of marriage together do you really experience the importance of keeping God at the front and center of your lives. And it is 1000% necessary. Marriage is such a blessing, but if God isn’t a part of your marriage and talking about your faith and beliefs isn’t something you and your partner do on a regular basis, I urge you to take some steps together in that faith journey. And if you are curious or have questions, please feel free to reach out!
The day Wyatt and I got baptized together was such an unexplainable feeling, but also the sermon that day had such a strong message. It posed the thought- maybe the purpose of your marriage isn’t to make you happy, but to make you holy. That’s a deep thought, isn’t it? But also such a lovely thought in the grand scheme of God’s plans for our lives.
For Wyatt and I from the start of our dating relationship to now two years into marriage we have each grown so much in our faith and grown closer to God not just as individuals, but as a couple too. I believe this makes our marriage incredibly strong at whatever is thrown our way.
#10: Grow in your faith and together, and grow closer to God together
These past two years of marriage have been a wonderful whirlwind, and putting all these things into words has me feeling so overwhelmed with gratitude and joy.
Wyatt and I made our list of ten things together and chatted about each in depth and I’m so excited that you have now read through it all! I hope that in reading you have found something you have been praying for.
What’s a piece of marriage advice you have learned from your own marriage?
Lord, thank you so much for the beautiful gifts of love and marriage. Help us to never take those things for granted. Lord, we pray for the person reading this- that their marriage will be blessed and full of hope and joy. We pray that the things we have learned the last two years can help others along the way in their own marital journey, and that You will continue to guide us in ours. We pray for your love and grace continually in not just our own marriage, but the marriage of the person reading this too. Lord, please be with us all when the struggles of marriage come and help us to never stop looking to You for peace and guidance. Amen.
All the love,
