Hope for the Single Girl
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For the Girl Feeling Lost in Love…
Sister, I feel you- I was you.
I remember all the heartaches and all the prayers I would pray for the man that would one day hold my heart. I remember those feelings of hopelessness and wondering when God would put the right person in my life.
I mean I had to kiss some serious frogs before I found my prince and that was hard.
Being a hopeless romantic made it tough in the years when I would feel like there wasn’t a real, true love out there for me. But I believed in true love no matter what, and dreamed of finding one day- no matter how much my past had burnt me.
I kept believing, and you should too.
First Things First
Before I go any further here, I think I should preface something. A relationship and love is not going to complete you or fulfill you. You have to do that for yourself and find that peace and wholeness in God. It is natural to feel lost in love at times, but not so lost that you lose yourself, and not so focused on this piece of life that you forget to truly live.
As a hopeless romantic, I feel like I saw the girls that always needed to be in a relationship (and to each their own, no judgement there), but that just wasn’t me. I believe in love and am simply a relationship person, but I could be alone and okay with that. It’s important to be able to do that, because a man or a relationship will never complete you.
So all of that to say, this is for the girl like I was in my season of single: in and out of toxic relationships, yet remaining hopeful and prayerful and learning to trust in God’s timing that I would eventually get to the love of my life.
And eventually I did. I prayed hard for a man that would love me fully and would love God too. Wow, did God deliver!
You can read my full love story here: Our Love Story
So, some hope for the single gal…let’s go!
When Fear Creeps In…
I understand the feelings you may have and the fear of being single can be so real, but sister, waiting and being ‘alone’ is not the worst thing. That fear can isolate you from the people you love- friends, family, and even God.
Don’t let the fear of something you are scared of being without, stop you from noticing all the blessings in your life.
God will always provide. There is joy in every season of life, even if there are times you have to search a little harder for it. And there are joys that don’t include dating, relationships, and marriage. Find so much peace in that!
Dismiss the fear and find joy in whatever season of life you are in!
When the Past Creeps In…
Been through some crappy relationships and feel like you are even further from where you want to be? Girl, don’t I know!
Like I said before, I had to kiss some serious frogs before I got to my prince. Ugh!
I wish I never had to go through the relationships I did before Wyatt, but ultimately I know how much I learned and grew from those experiences- how to have patience and trust, how to not be crazy (we have all gone through those stages LOL), how to appreciate the good in people, how to not allow yourself to be treated badly- and so much more. If I hadn’t gone through what I did, I wouldn’t have been ready for the amazing man Wyatt is and to fall for him and start a life together.
The song ‘Almost Maybes’ by Jordan Davis sums this up perfectly. The first time I heard it I thought-Yes! This is what Wyatt and I have been saying for years! While we knew each other for years and would have loved to have started loving each other earlier, it was those experiences we went through that prepared us for the “real deal” when our time came. God is pretty cool like that.
Those negative experiences will ultimately help shape and prepare your heart for the future.
When the Comparison Game Creeps In…
It can be hard to be single when you see others in seemingly happy and thriving relationships and wanting the same- again I have been there. But girlfriend God is preparing you for all He has prepared for you. No need for comparison or jealousy. If you find yourself starting to feel this way then it’s time to pray even harder for the person God will bring into your life. Pray that they are doing well and that you are ready for that kind of love when God’s timing comes.
Someone recently left a comment on one of my Instagram reels that took me back for a second. It was a reel of Wyatt and I and the progression of our relationship. It asked the question ‘If you had seen a preview of your relationship before your first date, would you go?’ Then it played a series of photos and videos from the last four years and my answer was of course ‘absolutely’. You can watch it by clicking here.
This comment brought up a point I agreed with about how people only post the ‘good stuff’ on social media and that it can be a highlight reel. Agreed. I actually made a post about this the day before the comment showed up about not getting caught up in the highlight reel lives of others and a reminder to enjoy your own highlights and messy moments.
But then this comment took it one step further and this is where I disagreed. This comment stated that me posting about my own relationship gave others false hope, that me being happy somehow makes others feel less than in their own relationships, and that this could bring people down in an unreal way.
I was so upset that someone would think that my own happiness would hurt others or that I could be hurting anyone in any way. Mad and sad all in one. Wyatt being the level-headed man he is said, “Wow this person is in serious need of some prayer because they have clearly been hurt to say something like that.”
Sometimes I hate when he is right (LOL), although this was a time I for sure needed his guidance. It was true. Deep in my heart I knew that there was nothing wrong with the reel that I posted. But I would never want to hurt anyone.
It made me think back to those single days of praying and dreaming for the love of my life, but never once did I resent the happiness of others. And girlfriend if you are, it is just not cool or kind.
I had a similar experience right before Wyatt and I got married. I realize that I post and share a lot and that’s just not for everyone, but this person was so sick of me posting about my excitement for our upcoming wedding they posted a rude tweet. Don’t you just love the manners people have on social media?
My response was this in my own little subtweet:
If someone else’s happiness bothers or upsets you, then it’s time to look deep inside and find your own happiness. Spread positivity and love always. The world needs more happiness and love, not selfishness and hate.
That was 2 years ago and those statements are still true.
In a society so built on being offended at everything, don’t let the love and happiness of others be offensive to you or bring you down. There is absolutely nothing wrong with being single.
Don’t let the beauty of love make you feel less than, but rather, feel hopeful.
This was all a very long-winded way of saying that don’t let the comparison game of single vs. relationship even be a thing. Be happy for those in relationships, know that your time for that simply isn’t right now, and remain prayerful and hopeful. God’s got you, girl! There is so much joy and peace found in simply being happy where you are.
When the Self Doubt Creeps in…
Also, if the game of comparing yourself to others creeps in- please, please put a huge stop to those intrusive thoughts. Don’t allow any self-doubt into your headspace, or allow any questioning of your worth. You are not single or in a season of single, because you are any less than anyone else.
You are here, because this is the season of life God has you in. Questioning yourself could lead to questioning God. Jeremiah 29:11 says ‘”For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”
Trust in His word.
Please never compare yourself or your relationship status to others. Everyone is in a different season of life for a reason.
If you are struggling with any self doubt in the season because of low self image/confidence, read this: Girl, It’s Time to Love Yourself
When the Content Feeling Creeps In…
Woo girl, finally! When you can be single and content- that’s the goal. When you can be single and not feel scared, worried, jealous, or not enough then sister you will thrive. This is where you will learn the most about yourself, and your own heart, and what you truly want out of a relationship in the future.
And as the old saying goes, it’s when you stop looking that you find the right one.
In your season of single, pray for these feelings of contentedness.
Some Action Steps…
- Pray for peace in the waiting.
- Pray that God will prepare your heart and mind for love.
- Pray for the person God will bring into your life.
- Pray for the ability to be content and find joy in the season of life you are currently in.
- Pray for patience.
- Pray for hope.
- Trust in God.
Repeat as needed.
When I was going through a time of heartache, my Mom sent me this image and I saved it because I knew it was true. It was such an important reminder for me in that time to never lose faith and trust in God, and to continue praying for the good man I knew God would have for me one day- no matter how far away that day may be.
I promise you, because I believe it to be true: when the right person walks into your world, you will know.
Remember that God’s timing is perfect. Know that He is preparing your heart and your mind for your person. Please never lose hope in that.
Lord, I pray for the girl feeling lost in love- I pray she can feel content in this season of life You have her in and feel complete peace. I pray You will prepare her heart and mind for the love of her life, all in Your perfect timing. I pray she will never question her worth, feel jealousy or regret or fear. And I pray she can feel complete happiness on her own, that will then grow with the love of her life. Amen.
All the love,
