There are affiliate links in this post, meaning I may make a small commission at no additional cost to you. For more information, see my full disclosure here.
-Welcome to the best days of your life! Equally, welcome to the most exhausting days of your life!
-You think you know what love is and then you meet your child and every minute you fall more and more in love. It truly is a love like no other. Simply unexplainable until you feel it for yourself.
-Trust your instincts. God-given mama instincts are all you need in those early days. While researching and chatting with others can be helpful, no one knows your baby the way you do, or will love and protect them the way you do. Lean into that when you feel like you have no idea what you are doing. Those instincts are powerful. More on that below.
-Take an obnoxious amount of pictures and videos. Your babe will change so quickly and you will want to just bottle it all up. I highly recommend using the live photo feature if you have an iphone- it’s like photos and videos all in one!
-Just like it seemed like he was changing daily, it seemed each week got a little easier- the trenches of new parenthood got a little less deep and steep.
-You will be on a roller coaster of emotions and that is perfectly normal. Let yourself feel all the feels. The only thing worse than feeling all that you will be feeling is making yourself feel guilty for it.
-Joy and struggle can coexist. I’m so grateful I realized this in my first trimester because it prepared me for these early newborn days. You can love every second of life with your baby, but also be struggling with alot too. Just because something is hard does not mean it is bad or that you don’t want to be doing it. This is a big piece of new mom advice I have shared with several friends. Hard and bad are not synonymous.
-You won’t have it all figured out in these first three months…so just go ahead and remove that expectation. I learned that the hard way!
-Your body is amazing!!! You go from wearing diapers to just doing the dang thing day in and day out! Rebuilding strength in all aspects, healing, nursing, it is a lot to go through and the work your body does in those first 3 months after birth is honestly wild. Be proud of your body and don’t put too much pressure on what you think your body should do or look like.
Okay… Months 0-3 here we go!
I feel like the only way I can describe those first few weeks of Easton’s life is by calling it a blessed blur. We were so happy and over the moon in love with this angel boy, but honestly we were muddling our way through everything, barely functioning, and just trying to keep our heads above water. Is that how you felt the first few weeks as a first time parent?
I feel like there’s no way to explain those early days of parenthood to anyone. It’s just simply a complete paradox— pure joy and emotional roller coasters, adrenaline and exhaustion, healing and hurting (physically). And then somewhere without you even realizing it things start to get easier and you find a little bit of a groove. And now 18 months in, I can vouch for the fact that every week gets easier and feels a little less blurry, at least in my own opinion and experience. And with each week getting easier, it is just so much fun!
And also you learn the lesson early on that as soon as you think you have something figured out it changes, so you’re better off to just love your child as hard as you can every single day through whatever they are going through, embrace each new phase as it comes, and throw any type of planning/perfectionism out the window.
—one of the best pieces of advice I was given while pregnant is that there is no room for perfectionism in motherhood. And as a lifelong people-pleasing perfectionist those were words I NEEDED to hear.—
–And in a recent conversation with my mom, she reminded me that I won’t always be able to do everything perfect and everything right, but that as long as I’m always trying to do right by him then that is what matters most. Again words I NEEDED to hear. —
I know someone reading this needs those words too.
I think in the early days of Easton’s life- these first three months we are chatting about— that was a tough lesson to learn. One of my biggest struggles was that when he would cry I would feel like a failure. I’m not talking cry it out— that is not something I am about— I just mean cry in general, as in their ONLY way to communicate anything, but I would take it personally that I was doing something wrong, that I wasn’t a good mom.
Babies cry. Your baby will cry. My baby cries. It’s how they communicate with us. You are not a failure because your babe is trying to tell you something. It honestly did take me a good two months to stop thinking I was doing everything wrong simply because he would cry. And the truth of it is, other than his sleep, he has been a very happy babe. So, now, I have the perspective and experience to look back on, but in those early days I did not. So if you’re in the trenches of the early days, or will be eventually— do not feel like you are failing because your baby is crying.
—One morning at church right after Easton had turned 10 months old, I took him to the mothers area to nurse him before taking him to the baby room to play and returning to service. Normally we are the only ones in the room, but on this day there was a new mama and her mom in there. I asked how old her precious little one was and she said 3 weeks. They were saying how they were about to head back into service and this new mama’s mom said to me- ‘she’s nervous we are going to go back in and the baby is going to fuss and cry and I told her not to worry about that at all’ and I said ‘oh goodness no! Easton was just in there squealing and trying to sing right along with the music! Don’t even worry about it!’ and the new mama gave me a soft smile and chuckle and in that moment I was right back in those early days remembering how it felt to feel like you’re under a microscope every time your baby does something and just praying that if he cries or fusses you’ll be able to know what he needs and make him happy right away. Maybe not everyone feels like that, but I sure did. —
And again, now with time and perspective, I know I was the one putting myself under that microscope and putting so much pressure on to do everything right and make him happy.
In those early months I was completely intimidated by motherhood, and people would say I made it look easy and that I was doing a great job, but internally I didn’t feel like a good enough mom at all. If you are feeling that way, I promise you aren’t alone. And I also promise the moms that might make it look easy and like they have it all together, they don’t as much as it may appear they do.
Now let’s jump right into Easton’s first three months!! I feel like I could ramble on and on, but I tried to use the headings to separate my thoughts in case there’s only one particular newborn topic you want to read about!
If you read The Birth Story of Our Baby Boy that covers everything from Easton’s birth up until we left the hospital and so I’ll pick back up from that point here!
We got home from the hospital on a saturday evening and it felt so wild that just a few days prior life was so different. We had been so excited to introduce Rory to our new babe because for the entirety of my pregnancy, Ror was so tuned in.
If you don’t know, Rory is our big ole chocolate lab! He is 100 pounds of fluff and energy, a total gentle giant and we couldn’t wait to see him as a big brother. We got home that evening and Wyatt had let him sniff one of Easton’s blankets from the hospital earlier in the day when he went home in hopes that that would help the process of them connecting. We felt like Rory would either be so completely loving and obsessed with Easton or totally hate him. What we didn’t expect was for him to be scared of him!
Our big guy was scared of our little guy! And when Rory is scared, he barks out of confusion and concern. So that first night was rough. Rory would bark at Easton and wouldn’t really get close to Wyatt and I out of fear of Easton and our hearts were breaking. Tears were shed over completely rocking our Rory’s world. Big prayers were said that things would shake out between them and us and our new dynamic, and I am so grateful to say they have.
It took time though. Not only for Rory to get used to his new dynamic, but for us to settle in as well. Coming home with a newborn is a lot!! Your world is totally rocked in the best way but you have to basically re-learn how to do a lot of things either one-handed or asking for help or baby-wearing. Unless your babe is fine to be put down but Easton was not one of those babes. He loved to be held and we loved holding him.
As new parents we did our best to have all the things ready that we thought we would need when we brought our baby home, but honestly being a new parent I just feel like there’s no way to fully prepare. You’re going to get home with your newborn and remember 27 things you wish you had gotten ready or done to prepare and I feel like it is all just part of the process of becoming a parent and adjusting to your new normal!
Such a beautifully blessed blur of a new normal!
Just like telling people about your pregnancy in your own time, allow visitors in your own time. For most of that first week I really only wanted grandparents around. I felt like I was in such a vulnerable state.
I remember the day after we got home from the hospital I got a text saying let me know when a good day is this week to come over and I immediately started to panic. And I ended up replying that we weren’t ready for visitors yet but we’ll let you know when we are. Everyone was kind and understanding, but it’s something I didn’t think about too much before having him. I knew I wanted to be surrounded by family but we also had to find our groove as the three of us too.
I remember when we did start having visitors over at home I became overstimulated much easier than I ever had before. That all got easier with time, and I also got better with boundaries of having people over too. Some days were just not good ones to have visitors and it took me a while to realize that, but once I did it was freeing. Easton James is such a joy and a blessing and I wanted to share that with all the people we loved, so I struggled when it was harder for me to have people over.
Luckily, we are surrounded by some amazing people that never gave me any flack for that. Also, Wyatt is very good at reading me, so if we would have visitors and I would start to get overstimulated, he could tell and would do his best to hurry the visit along. I’m not saying this easy overstimulation will be your story too, and it didn’t last forever, but it is something I wish I had known about beforehand. I love having people over to our home so it was different to not always feel comfortable with people visiting.
One piece of advice I will give for those early days at home is to let people make you food. People will offer to make you meals, pick up groceries, etc. and I highly encourage you to let them!! You may feel bad like you don’t want anyone going to the trouble- that’s how I felt- but it truly was the biggest blessing. The first week after we were home our families fed us and for about a week and a half after that our amazing church had a meal train for us. I don’t think we have ever eaten better!
Not to mention, if you are breastfeeding especially, you may be ravenously hungry!! I have never eaten as much as I did in my early postpartum days. It’s like I simply could not get full! Having an abundance of food ready to eat was truly a blessing.
So, let people cook for you. Let people bring you food! And if you’re wondering how you can support new parents but don’t live close enough to cook and take them a meal, have pizza delivered! Do doordash or something! One couple from church got our pizza order and all the info needed for delivery and they handled everything and pizza was delivered to our door in time for dinner one night. I promise you, you will remember the people that were there for you in those early days! And it makes you want to be there for others in their early days too!
Being able to pay it forward to other new parents is one of the coolest feelings!
Okay let’s dive right in to all things baby!! I have tried my best to break things down under each heading to try and be the most helpful to you- with the first three sections being eating, playing, and sleeping, followed by other sections applicable to his stages of life, followed by a mom/parent life section!
I hope these posts serve as a way to encourage you and support you however you need!
I am a breastfeeding mama and am very proud of the nursing journey we have taken. That may seem silly to those that don’t breastfeed, but those that have, know that it is in fact something to be proud of. It is no easy task, but one of the most special and rewarding ones.
I always knew I wanted to breastfeed and there was never any doubt in my mind about it, but naturally I was nervous about my milk coming in or that he would struggle to latch. I had my mind so set on it that I didn’t even sterilize the bottles or have any kind of backup plan if nursing didn’t work out- I was simply determined and knew God would make a way.
Fair warning though- and something I told my mom and sister I wish they had warned me about- your nipples will hurt. I promise it will get better. It may take days or weeks for that initial latching pain to wear, but it will. Here’s what helped me. I packed this breast balm and used it at the hospital and for the first few days at home. And also the nurse gave me some of these hydrogel pads and they were a lifesaver too.
I will say, our breastfeeding journey has been fairly easy in the sense that my milk came in quickly, latching struggles were very minimal, and my supply has been strong. I accredit that all to not trying to pump or give a bottle too early on and simply letting the natural supply and demand to occur, along with nursing on demand. My body was making what he needed and he ate constantly.
Just like I’m not about crying it out, I’m also not of the mindset of ‘you just ate, no way you can be hungry’. Babies are not only learning about the world around them but learning about themselves too. They may have thought they ate enough to be fulfilled, and in 30 minutes feel hungry again. Their little bodies had a constant flow of nutrients in the womb, so it blows my mind when I hear moms say things like that about their little babies. Cluster feeding is very real. Did it get a little intense at times that I would hope to have some time in between nursing to shower or nap or something while Wyatt held him- absolutely. But knowing I was doing what was best for him outweighed what I felt like I needed.
Okay, I will get off my soapbox now! Back to discussing our experience…
I didn’t pump early on, but I did wear milk collection cups that would collect milk from the letdown of the opposite side I was nursing on, so I was able to build up a bit of a stash without having to pump. I will link below what I used earlier on and what I use now on occasion. Both have worked very well for us.
If you don’t have some giant freezer stash of breastmilk built up, it’s okay. Facebook groups and other moms may have you thinking you need years worth of milk saved up but you do not have to. Granted, if I was returning to work after a maternity leave I probably would have wanted more saved up than what I had, but even still I knew I didn’t need a freezer full. Don’t let the comparison game trick you. I dive into the mom/baby race comparison a lot more in Months 6-12: So Much Fun and So Much Growth.
The only real hiccups in our nursing journey were Easton’s tongue, lip, and cheek ties. I decided to make that into its own little heading below to dive in deeper.
When I started this breastfeeding journey I didn’t really have any clear cut goals other than to do it. I didn’t have any goals or plans for when we would stop or wean- I really wasn’t sure. But what I do know is that when it all seems hard and blurry in the beginning to be constantly nursing- find a bingeable tv show or a good book, and just settle in and embrace it.
Before I dive into another topic I want to talk about bottles! Like I mentioned already, initially I was just nursing on demand and trying to let my supply come in and regulate so I didn’t want to affect that by pumping. I also didn’t necessarily need to give him a bottle and get him used to that from the start because I knew I wasn’t returning to work and wouldn’t absolutely need to. After about 2 months I started to think we should try a bottle that way if I ever needed to be away from him he would be used to it. And it didn’t go well. Easton has never taken a bottle. So one thing I would do differently if I could, and plan to do differently in the future, is try a bottle earlier on- just enough to get used to it but not enough to cause any confusion with breastfeeding.
To be honest, I was overwhelmed at the thought of trying to fit pumping into our day because I felt like he was already eating around the clock. And in my brain I struggled to connect the dots of not focusing on pumping for a bottle, but rather using the milk I was collecting anyways to just attempt a bottle here and there. I was WAY overthinking it! But that’s a skill I have always been super good at. LOL
Let’s talk about playtime in those first few months! It is absolutely wild how in those early days babes are just so sleepy and snuggly and then so quickly in a matter of weeks they want to play and start to notice more and more. Now, I absolutely love play time!
My mom refers to our family room as a ‘Toys R Us’ because of the amount of toys we have, but admittedly in the early days of Easton when he would be awake I would think to myself ‘ okay now what?’ because they can’t really play much but I did want to make sure I was stimulating his brain, but not overstimulating.
Easton loved tummy time and I know that isn’t the same for all babies but he preferred to be on his belly over his back. So we built up tummy time strength over time and would spend a lot of time doing that. I feel like ‘playing’ in this stage of 0-3 months isn’t necessarily playing, but rather letting them just be observant of the world around them. Which is just as fun as playtime!
Also, he turned 2 months old 2 days after Christmas, so his first 2 months of life were spent staring at lots of Christmas lights, which he loved! He also received so many fun toys for Christmas– some we are still playing with today. I’ll share some of my favorite toys below for this stage in case you are looking for ideas for your little one!
If you feel like you don’t know what to do with your babe when they are awake, it is okay. They don’t know what to do when they are awake yet either! LOL. Keep in mind how much fun you will have with your little one so soon- when you can actively play with them, they can giggle at you, and everything becomes a game! This stage of 0-3 months just sets the stage for what’s to come.
Sleep…the third of the big 3 for babies! A little bit of a sore subject for me, but that’s why I want to talk about it!
Sleep has never been a strong suit for Easton. There are things he excels at, and sleep unfortunately isn’t one of them. Shoutout to caffeine for keeping us going!
My little koala sleeps best when being held and snuggled and so that is how we have always napped- in my arms. To be honest, it didn’t even occur to me until he was about 2 months old that people actually put their babies down in a bassinet or crib for a nap. I don’t know why I didn’t realize that or think about that. I guess I was just busy soaking in all of the snuggles I could I suppose. And again, in the blur of newborn life I was muddling my way through. I have zero regrets there though. He is still held for all of his naps and I’m beyond grateful we get to do that.
So if you need tips on being able to put your baby down for a nap, I’m not your girl. I did get all in my head and was overwhelmed at times feeling like I needed to start putting him in his bassinet to nap. Once I realized people did that, I felt like I needed to as well. But as you can assume based on what I’ve said already- that didn’t work for us. Either of us. He wanted to be held and I wanted to hold him even though I was overwhelmed feeling like I should be productive and get things done while he napped. It wasn’t until I realized that I was actually overwhelmed because I was trying to convince myself I needed to do something I didn’t actually want to do that I stopped trying to put him down separate from me for his naps and just held him. These contact naps have become one of my favorite things in the world.
Easton is also a catnapper. From what I’ve read and learned this is just how some babes are. Some will nap for hours and some will nap from 25-45 minutes. Easton is the latter. What a little koala catnapping king he is!
One more thing about naps- babywearing. Easton and I tried several different wraps and I don’t know if it was me or him or the multiple different wraps, but it just wasn’t for us. He preferred his carrier over being wrapped, but he always napped better in my arms so the carrier we used more for convenience sake on occasions when we needed it. I see other mamas babywearing constantly in their wraps and I wish we could have done that, but it just wasn’t for us. Maybe a future baby will let me live out my wrapped up babywearing dream! LOL
Sleeping out of my arms at night has always been a struggle for him as well. He’s a snuggler for sure, but a large issue we had with his sleep was helped by revision of his tongue, lip, and cheek ties. I will talk more about that below under the heading Tongue/Lip Ties. While I was hoping the revision would magically help him sleep longer stretches, it didn’t, but he was at least much more comfortable.
He would wake very frequently through the night- most nights every hour or less. Sometimes it would be longer, and sometimes it would be shorter and I would battle the sleepies of trying to stay awake to nurse him, but as time went on I would fall asleep nursing him and holding him sitting up. Which was not only dangerous and uncomfortable, but also I would then spend half the night holding him, and so then of course he didn’t want to be put back in his bassinet. I mean, I know I personally wouldn’t want to!
But in this phase we are talking about when he was 0-3 months old, it is 100% normal for babies to wake frequently at night. The ones that don’t are the exception to the rule, so don’t put that kind of pressure on yourself if you are.
—When Easton was two months old we were around parents with a baby a little younger than Easton and they were going on and on about how amazing their baby was sleeping. That was like a sucker punch to the gut for this incredibly sleep deprived new mama who was already questioning everything she was doing. I talk more about the mama/baby comparison game in ** but I feel like this is a necessary reminder here too. Every baby is wildly different. Don’t compare your baby to other babies and don’t compare your mothering to other mamas.—
I feel like there is ALOT of misconception and misunderstanding around baby sleep and this is a world I have done so much research on and follow so many different baby sleep professionals that share their knowledge and experience. However, I am simply a mama, not one of these professionals, and it can be hard to not let the outside noise in and win. This is where trusting those God-given mama instincts becomes absolutely necessary, caffeine also becomes a lifeline it seems, and spending as much time in prayer with Jesus throughout the day is crucial.
Okay so I had heard of ties before having Easton, and it’s one of those things I had kept in the back of my head. But because he never had issues latching I assumed all was good.
Easton was a gassy little one and had hiccups constantly. He always had the hiccups in my belly too, so I just assumed it was something that maybe he would grow out of. And even though he was gassy often he never seemed uncomfortable. Really the only “issue” I guess you could say as a newborn was that he did not want to ever be put down.
Well when he was about 2.5 months old he started just having a really really hard time, all the time. He had about a week-long stretch where he was uncomfortable pretty much all the time, cried a ton, and just wasn’t really the boy we had come to know. My mama senses knew something was off.
Wyatt was away on a work trip- his first one since Easton had been born- and something literally always goes wrong while he is out of town, it’s almost comical. Well, comical except for the few times it’s been Easton not feeling well!
He was out of town and Easton was having this really rough time and I just knew something wasn’t right. Late at night I was up nursing him and scrolling and I came across a post- that I still have never been able to go back and find- that said signs of a tongue/lip tie other than poor latch. And it listed- hiccups, gas, discomfort sleeping, inconsolable crying, among others but it basically rattled off all that we had been dealing with.
So then I realized he may have a lip or tongue tie. The next day my mom came over and helped me with him since he was just so unhappy and I called the lactation consultant we had at the hospital- an absolute angel- and she told me to come on in that afternoon. So we did. We chatted for a bit, we weighed him and he was growing great, and then she said okay how about you nurse him and I’ll observe his latch. His latch was great but he had a clicking when he would nurse. A clicking sound I had heard a lot obviously, but never thought anything of it. I just figured it was like goodness he was hungry and guzzling when he would nurse.
But the clicking was him taking in air- causing gas, hiccups, discomfort being on his back, and now at this point because he was growing and nursing more and taking in more air- inconsolable crying. She heard the click and she knew.
So she gave us a list of pediatric dentists and we got in the following week with Pedz Dental in Dayton. And they were amazing. A well oiled machine, but also a blessing to two scared parents. The doctor prayed over Easton before the procedure. Everyone in the office was so kind and took the time to chat with us during his procedure which took all of ten minutes but felt like an eternity. And then we had a quick nursing session after to make sure he was good to nurse and that was that.
The rest of that day he was uncomfortable but it wasn’t too bad. The day after that it almost seemed like he was unbothered completely by it. But the two days after that were really hard for him. It’s like the healing process started to begin and it caused him a lot of discomfort.
Obviously all little one’s healing journeys will be different, but I share this in case you are scheduling this procedure with your little one so you can kind of clear your schedule for a few days.
The hardest part of the healing process was doing the stretches with him multiple times a day for a month. It was important to do them otherwise the procedure could have been pointless, but he hated it and we hated it for him.
But after about 4-6 weeks we started to realize hey he hasn’t had the hiccups today or even the last few days, and woah he’s not really gassy, and goodness he’s our happy guy again. It took time for things to heal but the procedure definitely helped him to stop taking in air while nursing.
Now, since then I have come across a lot of differing opinions of the tongue/lip tie situation and how to go about correcting them. To be honest though, I haven’t read a lot about it because I knew I couldn’t go back and change anything and at the end of the day we did the best we could with the knowledge we had at the time and it did help him.
That’s one thing about being in the trenches of new parenthood, there are always going to be things you’ll look back on and wish you could have changed or done differently- but in those early days it is hard. You just have to have grace upon grace for yourself, your hubby, and your baby.
I have never been a very prompt on time kind of person, so learning to do ‘mom math’ was difficult. When I say mom math, I mean calculating what time you need to get the ball rolling of getting yourself ready, your babe ready, the bag packed, the car packed, time for nursing, time for eating and caffeinating yourself, time for second-guessing if you have everything, and a little extra time in case things don’t go smoothly or you have to change a diaper beforehand. Am I forgetting anything? #MomMath
For me, this was very overwhelming at first, and having an involved partner definitely helps with this rhythm, but initially it can be difficult to work out the kinks to get someplace on time! Especially if you’re like me and not ever good at getting places on time.
We had Easton’s newborn photos done by Amanda Stidham Photography when he was 12 days old I think it was, and these are still some of my favorite photos ever. Honestly, I was very nervous going into this session because the time is limited and newborns are very unpredictable. He basically slept the whole time though, so he was very cooperative! Even if you don’t go into a studio or have a professional photographer do them, set up something to capture thos early baby days in a special way! You’ll treasure those photos forever.
There were a few things I wanted to share but that didn’t necessarily fall under one of the above headings, but are all newborn related so let’s chat about them here.
Clogged tear ducts were something that Easton struggled with. It was only one eye, but goodness it got crusty. I would apply breastmilk as often as I could, but it was something that at first alarmed us, but that went away on its own in good time. It never caused him any discomfort either, thankfully.
Baby acne was also a struggle for him for about a month. The first day he woke up with it, was of course the day he was having his newborn photos taken. Breastmilk and coconut oil both helped whenever it got really bad, but again this was something he simply had to grow out of and thankfully didn’t bother him.
Pacifiers are something I have always been a little neutral to on the no side of using. But I was never so against it that if it was something we felt like he needed then we would give one to him. I just didn’t want to jump right into using it if we could avoid it. I know everyone’s mindset around this is different. On a particularly rough night, we could not calm him and decided to try using a pacifier and he took it and it calmed him. The next day we tried giving it to him and he had no interest. Other times when he would be very fussy we would try it to calm him and he didn’t want it. I think in his little life there were maybe 4-5 times that he took a pacifier. It just wasn’t something he wanted and wasn’t something we necessarily encouraged either. I’m heavy on the do what’s best for you and your family and it’s going to be different for everyone.
Now that we’ve chatted about our babe in the first few months, let’s talk about parent life in the first few months too!
This is something I am very passionate about. I have already mentioned it in this blog post and I know it comes up in the other posts about Easton’s first year of life, as well. These instincts are incredibly powerful. Trust them to help you- especially in this early phase. Then, trusting those instincts simply becomes second nature!!
The mama instincts are strong. You will know if something is not right for your baby. You will know the best ways to soothe your baby, even if some moments don’t feel that way. You will know if you decide to take someone else’s advice and try something new and it doesn’t feel quite right. If you do something that maybe is a little wonky or not mainstream but it works for your baby and your family, you are mama and you will know. If you think there is a deeper rooted issue going on with your baby, trust those instincts and dig to find the answers for your child.
I feel a soapbox moment coming on…
Okay, one thing that I have realized since Easton was born is the amount of noise in social media and the lack of original thought and instinct trusting as moms. Is social media helpful for moms in the sense that we can see new ideas and hacks and feel less alone on some things? Absolutely. But what I have come to despise on social media is that a new mom sees an influencer or creator or celebrity doing something as a mom or with their child, and then takes it as gospel instead of thinking for themselves and trusting their own instincts. It’s disheartening and your child deserves better. God made you their mama. God picked you for the job. Trust what He has equipped you with. Just because someone has a bajillion followers doesn’t mean they know any better as a mom, they are just doing what they think is best for their child.
Okay, hopping off my soapbox now!
Your mama instincts are God-given and therefore can be trusted. Don’t doubt yourself simply because you are new to the job. God will carry you through. God will equip you with the tools you need. And God will be with you every step of the way. Trust the instincts He gave you.
Okay so let’s start with maternity leave! If you read Third Trimester: The Homestretch then you know I was lucky enough to start an early maternity leave at 36 weeks which was a huge blessing. My boss was so gracious to give me that time to rest and nest. And Wyatt and I had made the decision about a month or so before that, that I wouldn’t be returning to work after I had Easton and that I would be a full time mama at home- a serious dream come true! So basically I don’t really have much advice or much on the topic of maternity leave other than my experience with it prior to birth.
However I know some people find it interesting to compare times and weeks of leaves and before we decided I wouldn’t be returning to work, my boss and I discussed a leave of a minimum of 8 weeks so potentially more but not less than that. And to be honest, even when he was 12 weeks old I’m not sure I would’ve been ready to return to work if that’s what we had planned. Mamas that work outside the home- your strength is massive!!
Now paternity leave…this one is a hot topic because I feel like it’s even worse than maternity leave which is really saying something here in the US! Wyatt got 6 weeks of paternity leave which I am so grateful for. Those 6 weeks were a total blur, but would’ve been even blurrier if I hadn’t had my teammate right there in the trenches with me!
I think if you have a helpful partner and they are able to take time off, they need to. I know not all partners will dive right in and help with all the things but Wyatt was all in from the first night at the hospital. I knew he was going to be an amazing dad and those early days proved that to be true. To be honest I only changed a handful of diapers for the first two weeks because he handled all of that for us. His mindset was since I was the only one feeding him it was the least he could do to change the diapers. So grateful for how involved Wyatt was and still is!
Looking back now on those 6 weeks of paternity leave, I wish we had taken more advantage of them to set me up better as a full time SAHM before he returned back to work. We didn’t really prepare much and the first couple days Wyatt was back in his office, I felt like I had the rug pulled out from under me. Literally.
I am someone who has always recharged/reset best by spending time with family. And so spending day in and day out for those 6 weeks with my hubby, baby, and pup were a dream. But because I just wanted to hang out with them and be with them, I didn’t prioritize rest or relaxation when I actually could when Wyatt had Easton. I should’ve taken a shower or bath, I should’ve napped. But I just didn’t. On the rare occasion when I did nap or when I could sleep in a little, I always felt like I was waking up to him crying and mad and hungry and that was stressful for me to wake up in that quick jolted way, so it became easier to just not nap or sleep in. I’m also AWFUL at asking for help or speaking on what I might need so that didn’t help anything either. If I could go back and do some things differently while Wyatt was on his paternity leave, I would nap and shower more as well as other things to fill my cup, and set up better routines and systems with Wyatt and I for when he returned to work so it wasn’t such a shock.
That first day of just me- who has always dreamed of being a SAHM- with my 6 week old baby was filled with so many tears from both of us. My little sleep fighter wouldn’t give in and I finally had to take him for a drive to get him to sleep and felt like the biggest failure. I was so intimidated by motherhood. And I know a big part of that was because I went from tag teaming everything except nursing to doing it all solo.
Not to mention, Wyatt is an assistant high school basketball coach. So it wasn’t even like I had to make it to 5pm then I would have back-up. Nope, I had to make it until 8:30/9pm when he got home from practice. It was very daunting and I was incredibly intimidated by it all. I say all this not for sympathy, because I know there are mamas out there in much trickier situations, but I share only to let the intimidated mama reading this know that she is not alone. And that feeling will not last forever.
In this 0-3 month phase, I was a wreck of questioning my abilities as a mom at every turn. But now I can confidently say I know that I am a good mom. I love staying at home with him and am not intimidated by that or by motherhood in the slightest. Sometimes we still go on drives for naps and sometimes we don’t nap at all and that’s okay.
If you are completely intimidated by motherhood, I am cheering for you and can’t wait until the day you can look at yourself and say, I’m a good mom. That’s a good freaking feeling!
And also, if your husband is lucky enough to get any kind of leave, take advantage of it in the sense that you can set up some good habits for yourself postpartum that will make day to day life with a newborn easier.
I think the most important thing to remember– regardless of any kind of work leave either of you get or don’t get, be a team. Be a team for your little one so they can have the best of both of you!
Oh the days of diapers! Just writing this section brings back the smell of witch hazel, IYKYK.
The first three months after having a baby are a serious 180 from in diapers barely moving and healing, to just doing life!
Some things I remember from those early days…My temperature in general ran much hotter. I just felt like I was someone else mentally and in someone else’s body too. The ravenous hunger is so real- another reason why it’s great to let others help out with meals because you and hubby may not be able to keep up with all the meals you’ll be hungry for! Hydration is key- you all know I love my big cups!
I was so proud of what my body did but I also didn’t recognize it. It’s like I would walk by the mirror and it didn’t feel like me. I had a few good days here and there or when I would put on a cute new outfit I had bought for myself for postpartum, but the majority of the time I felt pretty uncomfortable. Especially early, early on.
My emotions were a roller coaster too. I feel like what made me the saddest though was how quickly he seemed to be changing. I was sad and scared I was going to miss a moment or not soak it in enough. My camera roll and my heart now know otherwise. But in those early days you really just can’t regulate or sometimes even figure out your emotions. They are just so strong. At least for me they were anyways.
As far as actual physical postpartum recovery goes….I feel like this is something that is hard to explain to someone. And truthfully if someone had tried to tell me about the diaper cocktail or what the pain or soreness would feel like- well for one, everyone’s experience is different so it may not have even been applicable, but also on the other hand I may have said I didn’t want to know because I didn’t want any preconceived negativities in my head.
It is just one of those things you have to experience for yourself.
And listening to your body is so important in this season. The nurses told me that my bleeding would tell me if I overdid it and they were right.
Okay Mamas I want to get real with you for a second. This mamahood thing– it’s hard. It is hard. In case no one told you or warned you, it is hard. But- and this is a big ole but- it is downright amazing. In case you’re so deep in the trenches and in the blur of it all that you can’t see that either. It is hard and it is incredible. It is adjusting to a new normal and it is more than you could have ever dreamed of.
And you have a right to feel every little thing and every big thing that you are feeling. Your feelings are valid. Your emotions are valid. Just because something is hard does not mean it’s bad, or you don’t want to be doing it, or it’s not worth doing. Hard and bad do not mean the same things.
This season will not last forever and at times that phrase feels like a blessing, and at times that phrase breaks your heart. This newborn phase will not last forever and it will not last forever. In the blink of an eye you’re going on breakfast dates with your toddler loving every minute of that, but equally wishing you could be posted up in a chair for hours on end rocking and snuggling.
Whatever you are feeling, you are doing an absolutely incredible job. You are doing the greatest job in the world. And I don’t say that lightly.
God entrusted you with this little life. YOU. God handpicked you for the job of being this child’s mama. And on the hard days- and there will be hard days- remember that. That’s what I remind myself on the days that I struggle. God chose me for my child and my child for me and I have a job to do. I cannot let the hard days win because this sweet little life is relying on me to show him the way in this life and show him to Jesus. It can feel like a lot of pressure and the weight of the world at times, but what a blessing to be doing the most important job in the world.
Thank You Jesus for the gift of mamahood.
If you are struggling, I encourage you to communicate openly with your partner, your family, your friends, your doctor if needed, and most importantly with God. Just like you have to be vulnerable physically with delivery and postpartum, allow yourself to be emotionally vulnerable in this season. It is okay to not be okay, but it is not okay to keep that to yourself and struggle internally. You have too important of a job to do. And you are too much of a blessing to this world to allow yourself to crumble instead of communicate. It is okay to not be okay, but you have to be able to tell someone that.
I am not a professional, I am just a mama like you that loves her baby and loves Jesus, but I am always here if you want or need to talk. Plese, don’t hesitate to reach out if you need to talk.
That pretty well sums up Easton’s first three months of life and my first three months as a mama! I pray you feel validated, supported, and encouraged in your own journey of the newborn and early postpartum phases.
Lord, thank you so incredibly much for the gift of motherhood. Thank You for the gift of life and the abilities You gave women to do so many amazing things to grow Your kingdom. Thank You for the sweet newborn babies that have come into this world; I pray for the joy, love, and protection over the little ones in this stage of life. I pray for the mama in the trenches, adjusting to mamahood and new normals and just getting to know this little babe You have given her. I pray for strength, perseverance, and peace for this mama and I pray she finds her way to You in the struggle. I pray for the mama reading this in whatever stage she is in. I pray for the woman reading this longing to be in this stage. Please be with all of them as only You can be. Amen.
All the love,
There are affiliate links in this post, meaning I may make a small commission at…
If you have read any of the previous blog posts in this collection- I cannot…
There are affiliate links in this post, meaning I may make a small commission at…
There are affiliate links in this post, meaning I may make a small commission at…
There are affiliate links in this post, meaning I may make a small commission at…
There are affiliate links in this post, meaning I may make a small commission at…
This website uses cookies.