To the Girl that Feels Like she’s Failing

Okay let me start off really simple here and say… You’re not.

I don’t even have to know you personally to know you’re not.

My guess is that you are feeling this way because you are being way too hard on yourself and/or playing the comparison game and/or can’t get out of your own head.

Let’s dive on in…

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Sister, you don’t need to put so much pressure on yourself.

Whatever category of life it is that you feel like you are failing in- stop and give yourself a break. As one of my wise besties has said to me before- “Ky, you’re killing your own vibe.” That was a real eye opener. The context was completely different, but it is advice that I pull out almost daily to remind myself. And it’s so fitting here.

Don’t kill your own vibe by expecting perfection, success, results, etc. We are all human. We are not machines. We can’t snap our fingers and get everything we want or be everything we want, and that is okay.

Whether it’s that never ending to-do list, bottomless variety of tasks, or that your dreams and goals feel so far out of reach- sister you are not failing.

Maybe you are just starting at something or have been working towards it for months, years even – you are not failing if you are still trying and if it is something good and worthy then keep going without the weight of your own expectations. As another important person in my life has told me about things I don’t need, “Put it down!” Put down those heavy expectations you are placing on yourself and keep going!

Sister, stop comparing.

The comparison game…dun dun dunnnn! (Cue the scary dramatic music)

This is a losers game no matter which side you are on, so best to just never even step onto the court.

If you feel like you are failing because someone else has what you want, seems to have it better than you, has a larger social media following, is further along in life than where you think you should be, has more money, has more success, is skinner/prettier/better looking than you (Side-note here: If you are feeling this way, put your phone or laptop down, go look in the mirror and tell yourself 5 things you like about how you look in this moment, then take a deep breath…welcome back!), has a family, has more friends, the list can just go on and on and on and sometimes it can even be a subconscious thing we as women tend to do….

Anyways, if you feel like you are failing because someone else is “succeeding” then you have got it all wrong and I’ve got some scriptures for ya. Again, I’ll remind you- you are not failing.

Let me also remind you that you are awesome (“I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made…” -Psalm 139:14) and God has an incredible plan for YOUR life (“…plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” -Jeremiah 29:11). I emphasize YOUR, because everyone’s path is different for a reason.

You are not failing if you are not where someone else is. Trust the timing of your life. Trust God and the plan for your life. And remember how amazing you are and how blessed you are when you start to feel those comparison thoughts creeping in.

Sister, get out of your head and stop overthinking.

This is what is causing those feelings of failure.

Overthinking is all-encompassing of these previous two, here’s how-

In today’s world it is so hard to turn our brains off. We are a go, go, go type world and it seems wrong to stop, slow, and relax. Why is this? Well probably because we have heavy expectations, are constantly comparing our grass to the grass on the other side, and then get caught in this mindset of always needing more, pushing for more, and wanting what others have….and when we don’t succeed at that…Boom! Feelings of failure.

At this point I may have lost some of you, but my fellow overthinkers, I know you’ll understand me here- we have to turn our brains off before this place of feeling like a total failure begins. Be proactive and don’t allow yourself to overthink. If you don’t have the weight of your own expectations, and the thoughts of having what others have, then that gives your mind less ammo to overthink about and make you feel like a failure. Make sense? It’s all connected.

Sister, know that you are not failing, even if your mind is on overdrive. Let yourself stop and pause, and your mind will follow.

Peace out feelings of failure.

Everything I just shared above, I go through too. More often than I would like to admit actually, and in all the categories of my life.

Because I struggle with these feelings of failure from time to time, I wanted to share what has helped me to overcome them and keep this train rolling with a smile on my face, and without giving up on a task, a dream, a goal, or even just letting a thought go.

Here’s what helps me whenever those negative thoughts of feeling like I am failing begin to creep in:

1. PRAY. He is always listening.
2. Find your tribe and love them hard. The people in my life are what I value most. Loving them and knowing they love me is an incredible reminder when I am feeling down on myself.
3. Count your blessings // List things you are grateful for.
4. Remember how far you have come.
5. Know that the setbacks are there to make you work harder and become stronger.
6. Truly define what it is that you want or are working towards and redefine your WHY.
7. Do things to fill your cup // Self care.
8. Ask for what you want. Tell the people in your life what you need.
9. Say your favorite scripture(s). Mine is Jeremiah 29:11, so extremely fitting when I am being hard on myself.
10. Brain Dump and make a game plan. The Great Brain Dump: How to get out of your own head, re-center your peace, and think clearer.
11. Talk about it. Don’t let those negative feelings stay bottled up inside.
12. Put your phone down. AKA the #1 contributor to the comparison game and everyone’s highlight reels on social media.
13. Take a step back from what is making you feel this way. Pause and reflect.

In case I haven’t said it enough or if you need the reminder again- You are not a failure and you are not failing right now at any of the things you think you might be. Stop being so hard on yourself, playing the comparison game, and overthinking. God has a brilliant plan for your life and as long as you are after Him and His plan, He won’t allow you to fail because He will carry you through those hard times.

Let’s pray on it.

I want to end this post by praying for all of you who are reading this and have related in some way to this post. I pray that after reading this you feel freedom in some way from those feelings of failure. I pray that God will guide you where He wants you and show you where He needs you. I pray that you will trust God’s timing for your life and know you are worthy of that amazing plan He has for you.

I pray that all your incredible dreams and goals come true. I pray that you meet the love of your life, land your dream job, start that business, grow your family, get pregnant, feel fulfilled, fall in love, get an awaited acceptance letter, crush that interview, make new friends, lose that weight, mend that relationship- whatever it is that is on your heart making you feel like you are failing, I pray that you give it to God. Put it down at His feet and let it go. Amen.

Give it to God, sister. And one more time- YOU ARE NOT FAILING.

All the love,